The Maddening Crowd

19 03 2009

Have you ever felt like stick in the mud? Or do you understand the “meerkat” perspective when you are extending your neck above the crowd? Apply the “meerkat” view to Pride and Prejudice, when Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, and Caroline Bingley first enter the ball in Hertfordshire. The entire crowd was facing them and Elizabeth Bennet was singled out in that camera angle.

That was my life last night. Everyone was dancing and lights were invigorating the crowd and the beats traveled from your feet into your heart. It was wasted on me. I should have sold my ticket. I just stood there to the point of exhaustion when I vanished and went home. Typical, really, I always pull a Houdini disappearing act. No sight, no sound, just exit. I had a low-key dinner over Mamacita’s fish taco and veggie taco with Ashley Sue over some tallboy Tecates. Basically, I sabotaged the plans that I had, the plans that were altered and plans that never were, to eat something I eat every week at a place that I always patron. Have a slice of the un-birthday cake! Some point in the night I let a ridiculous thought slip across my mind and wanted to reduce myself to tears. I didn’t break down. I was just absent from my setting. Vapid and vacant.

Today, is just a day. A transient day from now until tomorrow, from here until I’m home and when the salt air heals my soul and bandages my wounds. Each breath provides some sort of uplifting spirits to my present disposition.

Happy Birthday to me.

Advertisements